Be Ready to Live in Awe-filled Dread

Gospel Reflection Matthew 1:18-25

Mary told Joseph about this baby, and when he heard this story, Joseph believed her. He believed this woman who was to be his wife, that her baby was of the Holy Spirit and not of another man.

My gramma was a twin, born on a cold January day in 1923 in the farm country near Hudsonville. Her brother was Theodore; my nephew is named after him. She was called Millie by everyone who loved her, short for Mildreth.Her mother, my great grandmother Maggie, did not want to call her Mildred because she did not want to dread her. Thus her name became Mildreth. Millie always told this story with a twinkle in her eye; her mother loved her. 

We usually talk about dread as in the Dread Pirate Roberts (from Rob Reiner’s The Princess Bride, may he rise in glory), or "existential dread,” worrying about our purpose and meaning or dreading the things we hate, as in I’m dreading my vaccines because I’m needle phobic (I’m not). But dread is bigger than that, different than that. Dread is also awe. 

Awe. As in blown away by the wonder of it all. As in overwhelmed by goodness. As in you know there is something happening, you feel it in your toes and on the hairs of your neck. You’re starting a new job that is a little beyond you. You know God is asking you to step into a new place or journey. You’ve just had a baby. You saw the Northern lights. You’ve had heart surgery. Or visited Lake Michigan on a really blustery day.

Dread. Awe.

Today’s story is familiar; Joseph betrothed to Mary, a relationship much like our understanding of marriage, but he finds out that he wasn’t the one. He wasn’t the father of Mary’s baby. What? She cheated? A friend of mine with a great sense of humor and a less understanding for the Christian tradition gave me a card once. It’s supposed to be funny, to be a letter from Joseph to Mary. “Dear Mary,” the card reads, “Just admit you slept with someone else. Signed, Joseph.” According to the Mosaic tradition, once Joseph discovered Mary’s indiscretions, he could have called out the religious forces. The punishment for Mary’s “adultery”? She had to die; the elders would stone her to death. This is the way that it was in the honor culture, but Joseph, according to this reading, was righteous. He was just gonna leave her and then divorce her quietly so not everyone knew about Mary’s unchastity but then he had the dream that changed everything . 

But this week I read another interpretation, one so wonderful and fantastic that it filled me with delight, with wonder, awe, and a whole lot of dread. It’s not one I came up with, but it was one suggested by St. Jerome, Origen, St. Thomas Aquinas, and some others.

They suggest that Joseph was filled with dread, with awe. 

Because Joseph knew too, as in the Mary Did You Know song! Of course Mary knew that Jesus was going to be called the “Son of God” — she was there when the angel came to her and heard the whole explanation, but it wasn’t just Mary. Mary told Joseph, and when he heard this story, Joseph believed her. He believed this woman who was to be his wife, that her baby was of the Holy Spirit and not of another man. Of course it wasn’t time yet. It wasn’t time for the whole world to know about this beautiful mystery, this beginning of Incarnation. 

But if you were Joseph, and you knew about this, you knew that your wife-to-be was going to be the Mother of God, and you were going to be stepfather to Jesus Christ, the one who would save his people from their sins, then what? 

Uh. Who wouldn’t have second thoughts here? Anyone would be filled with anxiety, be overwhelmed, bewildered, filled with dread. I can imagine the thoughts running around in his head. Am I good enough? Am I worthy?

What I am getting into? There are other nice girls out there, and maybe I’d like them as much as Mary. Is she really the best choice? What’s going to happen to her? What’s going to happen to us?  

You might even say that he was filled with dread.

It’s hard to think when you’re filled with dread…or anxiety. 

Oh anxiety! Who doesn’t know anxiety; everyone does. We’re living in the age of anxiety, a time when our worries distract us, when anxiety clouds decision-making, when there are so many things to worry about, so many things that can go wrong. And then when we get used to anxiety, it can make us hyper vigilant or lead to us catastrophizing and compulsions. Anxiety, which was supposed to keep us safe, supposed to help us not get eaten by a big animal in the evolutionary way of things, has outlived its purpose, yet there it is, like tightening grips. 

But don’t get too worried…about being worried! Even this does not mean we are far from God. 

God doesn’t love us because we’re good or beautiful or never anxious or perfect or because we can twist ourselves into a pretzel and make everyone around us happy. God just loves. And then. God just comes to us. Always and already, whether we deserve it or not, whether we’re on the nice or the naughty list, and all of those reasons that you’ve said to yourself in your head, all of those things that you think make you unlovable. Nope. Still God loves. And then God comes to us. 

That’s the point of this whole story, this story we’re hearing the Joseph part of today. That the God of heaven came down, because of us and our need for salvation, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, he became incarnate in Mary’s womb, coming to us! And even though this is the very time of God coming to us, it’s not like this never happened before. God offers Ahaz a sign. Ask for something so that you can believe! I’ll give it to you. 

I myself love signs. I mean, who doesn’t? Especially when I’m making a big decision and I’m filled with anxiety and worry and I’m not quite sure and then a sign? Whew! The first time I walked through my house I saw something on the wall. It was a wedding announcement on the bottom of a whiskey barrel, Catherine and Trevor Bosscher. Yeah. I bought my house from a very distant cousin who shared my surname. 

An aside. Figuring out the mail has been a nightmare. 

But back to the sign. That one, and all of them remind me that God is close and with me, and that my dread, my fear, my awe, all of it is part of the same stream and I don’t have to be afraid. 

And that’s what Joseph gets, sign, a dream, an angel — a messenger from God — he didn’t have to be afraid, God was with him, he could live his part of his story with courageous joy. He could be a stepfather to Jesus! And God? God is so wonderfully close! God was so in that here and now that Joseph would not be alone. God is Emmanuel, God with us. The God who saves is with us. 

And because of this dream, because of this sign, Joseph gets us, marries the God bearer Mary and then they have their first baby, Jesus. 

Just sit with that for a moment. 

It’s almost too wonderful to be true, too much for us to take in on any random week of Advent, on this 4th Sunday right before Christmas. The God who saves is with us. And this good news is not just for Ahaz or for Joseph, but for all of us. Because God doesn’t come only once; God comes all the time. 

God comes to us in one another. 

God comes to us in our hearts, when we are full of anxiety and fear, when we forget that we’re beloved, when all we can remember is our worries. 

God comes to us in the Church, that incarnate body of Christ that we are all a part of.

God comes to us in the bread and the wine.  

God comes us in the most unlikely of places, in the grocery story, in songs on the radio, in food, in relationships, in service, in the garage, in giving, in good nights of sleep. 

I could go on and on. 

God is always coming to us. 

Don’t be afraid. Ask for the sign. Listen to your dreams. And be ready to live in awe-filled dread.